He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
