i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
