why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My cat gives me a boner
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
