My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
