I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
