Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
