Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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