How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
