kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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