It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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