I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
