margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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