I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
only if we run a train.
done.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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