2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I could fuck to npr.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
