Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
soo... how was my night?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
