I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
