id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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