she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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