the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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