Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
