Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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