2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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