So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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