so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
