Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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