yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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