You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
