awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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