Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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