hotel room ftw
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I enjoy the company of your penis
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
