His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
