are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think people are normalizing furries
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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