He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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