Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
