I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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