is your mom at the bar?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
