I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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