his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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