I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
