dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
