so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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