I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
