Who did Billy Mays play for?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
