I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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