so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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