a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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