tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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