2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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