its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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