I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
