i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
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