omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
