best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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