I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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