she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
