I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
They took my balls.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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