The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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