why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
