No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you never un-have a 4some
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