this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
