dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
