I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
