dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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