Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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