This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
