she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
