Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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