it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Two words: blizzard sex
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize