I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
