Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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