ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
