do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
