and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
