It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
