I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
