okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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