Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
