I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
