thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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