you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
