I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
