this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
