I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
he had hair everywhere except his balls
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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