Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
